THE COMEBACK QUEEN W/ Kéara
I've found a great deal of strength going through my own “stuff” when I could reflect on how other women were pushing through. But, because I've learned throughout life to put a coat of lipstick on and keep it pushing, I know what may seem easy isn't always so. I talked to Keara, a one-woman enterprise and comeback queen to get some insight into her journey after the loss of her mother and find out how she’d found the energy to push through.
Read her story and check out the exclusive behind-the-scenes video at the end.
I read a book where the author shares the story of Viola Davis and her losing her father to pancreatic cancer. Familiar. Now, I see her in movies and it gives me a whole new respect for her. She's just like me, experiencing loss – but she's pushing through it.
Then there is Kéara, a "we go way back" (to junior high school) friend. Kéara lost her mother, Bobbie to breast cancer over 10 years ago and is journeying through her life with so much grace and if you can get close enough, so much humility and honesty. We took a walk one morning to talk common ground and about R&V and I was so thankful she agreed to share more intimate details of her story here and be a part of our genesis. When she came to my apartment the morning we taped we took a second to really talk and she let me in close enough to peel back another layer to her strength.
We agreed we'd have to revisit but not without me (crying! and...) feeling so much more honored to see her bloom, knowing it's deeper than being emotionally stable it's the purpose and will to push through. And this reiterated for me the power of honesty and of sharing, so you can plant seeds of what's possible.
Thank you Keara for sharing parts of your journey with me, with us. I hope someone is inspired by your desire to live in your purpose.
Read on as Kéara talks us through parts of her journey in her own words.
KÉARA (On Kéara):
What were you like as a child?
I am the middle child of three girls. I have the positive characteristics of a middle child: independent; paving my own path. My parents would call me a “rebel without a cause” but, I always had a cause that I just did not always communicate. *insert laugh* I would get in trouble for not talking while my sisters would get in trouble for talking too much.
I was an active child. Tomboy dressing preferences. I danced, played tennis, active in multiple ministries in church. I enjoyed spending time with family and friends.
What did you want to be when you grew up?
I thought I wanted to be a pediatrician.
What and/or who influenced the woman you wanted to be and are?
My parents, my sisters, my grandmothers, my extended family and friends. And exposure. Exposure has been a big part of who I am and that is based on what my parents allowed.
Family:
I spent a lot of time with family and extended family. Spending time with them taught me the value of unity and family togetherness. More weekends than not I was in Brooklyn with my family gathering and celebrating life. Learning about my Hispanic culture and seeing the difference in certain aspects of other cultures or even my other side of the family.
Church:
I was in church because my parents were in church. My exposure to church fostered my individual spiritual growth and desire for relationship with God.
Traveling, professionalism, community building, fashion, restaurants, the list can go on were based on what the things my parents exposed me to. I was and continue to be influenced by the different communities I function in educationally, professionally, spiritually and personally. In all these instances there were men and women that looked out for me and helped me grow and advance. Having these communities has influenced to want to give back the generations because someone gave to me.
KÉARA (On Life Before The Diagnosis):
What do you remember before the diagnosis? What was happening in your life?
Before my mom’s diagnosis, I was getting over mononucleosis. Finishing college. Transitioning out a relationship.
Were there any signs leading up to it? Warning?
There weren’t any warnings that I knew of or that my mother expressed to me personally until we had our family conversation about what was going on.
KÉARA (On The News):
Where were you when you got the news? What was your initial reaction? Who was there? How was it delivered to you? Would you change anything about the delivery?
There are some things I do not have specifics for such as the location of where I was when I found out. But I remember it being a family (immediate) discussion about the diagnosis and the plan of action.
I would not change the delivery because I was not the person that was experiencing the disease first hand. I would not discount my mother’s feelings or delivery based on what I might have believed was supposed to be correct. I am not sure if there is a right or wrong in these instances.
KÉARA (On Death)
Talk about coming home, the passing? How did you react/feel, what emotions did you go through after? Were you surprised by how you handled it at all?
My mom beat breast cancer and it came back in her lungs. When I found out about it coming back, I was deciding on law school. Having a discussion with my parents, I moved to Michigan to start law school. Gratefully, I came home the day before my mom passed away. Planned a funeral, missed my first-semester midterms, and returned to Michigan in two weeks to finish school.
I lived alone in Michigan, so I had time to process and if I was not processing #grief, I was processing school work. I did not talk about it to many people. It was like this cloud that kept moving me along. Looking back not sure how personally did it but I knew it was God, prayers, my mom helping me along.
KÉARA (On Lessons Learned)
What lessons have you learned from your mother? Before, during and or after?
There are so many things that I have learned from my mother. One big thing was #strength and #resilience. I cannot pinpoint a specific conversation about the two but her actions always led my sisters and I that it was important.
There were many sayings my mom would say to us, so here are a few:
MS. BOBBIE SAYS -
#1:
“Plan your work and work your plan”
#2:
“There is a teacup for every saucer”
#3
“I am everybody’s friend and nobody’s friend”
LOVE TRANSCENDS DEATH
Another thing that I continue to hold on to because my mom continues to prove is that you show up for people you love. Love transcends death. My mom shows up in my dreams which proves to me that she hears me and wants me to know that she is still around.
KÉARA (On KOR Values
What is the primary function of KOR Values, how does the business honor your mother and your purpose?
My sister’s and I are named after my father. All of our initials are the same as his which are “KOR”. KOR Values is a play on words of core values which are the beliefs, riving forces and priorities in a person’s life. Values have always been important in my household. Knowing what you stand for and what you present to the world is important.
KÉARA (On Faith)
How has your faith and belief in God helped you through the hardest times? Is there a scripture/message that has given you extra strength?
I am not sure where I would be without God in my life. A comforter, joy, a solution, a way maker, peace, unfailing love…God has truly looked out for me.
One of my mom’s favorite gospel songs (and was sung at her celebration of life) was “Show Yourself Mighty”
The lyrics are:
Show Yourself Mighty
Show Yourself Strong
Show Yourself Awesome in the midst of the storm
In the time of trouble, HE will give us a song
Show Yourself Mighty, Show Yourself Strong”
One of the scriptures that has resonated in the last few years is :
Philippians 1:6 - “Being confident of this that He who began a good work in you will carry it on the completion until the day of Jesus Christ.”
Hope.
God will keep His promise to you. The promise before you were born was that He would prosper you. The misconception is the prosper is financial, but you can be financially stable and mentally or physically unstable. The prospering is of your soul with happiness and joy and peace.
In fact, what God allows and what we experience is to ensure the “completion” is to the magnitude in which God intends. The magnitude of our gifts, influences, success…is all tied to the originally plan and promise God has for your life.
KÉARA (On Purpose)
Living in your purpose. You gave me the advice that “it gets easier when you live in your purpose” - What does “living in your purpose” mean to you?
Loss drains your energy. At times it makes you question your will. We can get caught up in a routine and proclaim it as “living life”. Living in your purpose rejuvenates the promise God has for you. The loss is for a reason and to draw something else of out of you that is part of the purpose. Your contribution in the world is still needed. The joy and upliftment you bring to others will be given back to you. You sow and reap.
KÉARA (On Managing Grief)
How are you managing grief ten years later? How has your grief evolved? How are you honoring your emotions, giving power to them, taking power from them?
Managing grief has become easier….most days. They say the best days of your life are ahead of you and I could not understand how that could be possible without my mom being here physically to celebrate with me. Yet we have to trust God’s ability over our feelings. Not that our feelings are not valid but, that God can provide more love and whatever you need to move forward. I still have triggers and not so good moments. I allow myself the space to go through those moments, but I do not stay there. Living your life in purpose honors the person that you lost.
KÉARA (On Style & Grace)
You are a gal with impeccable style and it’s clear you take pride in your fashions, chile! How has your style changed and evolved over the years. Are their risks or inspiration you take from the women in your life to apply to your fashion sense?
Style and grace comes from my mom. Embedded in my DNA because my dad dresses nicely as well. My style evolves with my growth. There are so many beautiful and stylish women but it ultimately comes down to my comfort within myself and how I feel about my representation to the world. Style for me in a total package of mind, body and soul. The internal will always show forth externally regardless of what you have on.
Wrapping up...
KÉARA (On Kéara)
What have you learned about yourself through your journey?
There is more than meets the eye. There was an unspoken limitation and mold of what I believed I should be doing in life. Over these last 10 years, I have evolved and I believe my losses have been a catalyst. The journey to healing takes work and patience. There are layers of purpose wrapped in emotions. There were insecurities masked in looking “put together” but, I was and still am determined to truly be the person that I present. No facades. Living inside out.
KÉARA (On Planting Seeds)
What would you like others to learn from you or through you based on your life experiences?
Know how to define happiness for yourself. Seek to be whole. Be patient with yourself. Love yourself. Be truthful with yourself. What you have is more than enough to start. There are people who need you in your unfinished glory.
People need us in our unfinished glory. A word. Thank you Kéara for being a root and a vine.
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