THE SECRET TEEN MOM (PT. 2) W/ AHDEHROH

Ahdehroh, pregnant and only fourteen years old hid her pregnancy for six and a half months until an incident at school started the rumors that would end it all. Now able to live outside of this huge secret she started a new path in her journey that brought her to San Antonio to Holmes High School after withdrawing from her public school in New York. At the integrated high school in Texas she was finally able to release the shame of her pregnancy and be surrounded by a supportive team of professional's and other young girl's going through a similar experience. But, it wasn't all good in Texas. Ahdehroh talks about her experience at Holmes, giving birth to her daughter Olivia and being so close to signing over her right's in an open adoption that she'd literally already picked the family who'd raise her daughter.

Read on to hear more of Ahdehroh's story and lean in as she shares the wisdom and power she's gained and advice on abstinence and teen parents. Also, find out how she's raising the bar for her kids through her own mistakes.

AHDEHROH (The Secrets Out)

"I figured that now that my mother knew that I would get to keep the baby. I just thought that I would have to work extra hard." But Ahdehroh says that her mother was also trying to keep the pregnancy from the entire family and that was part of the reason she'd been sent to Texas.

When she got to Texas, a tri-fold pamphlet was waiting for her at her god mothers house that explained the process of an open adoption. That's when she found out that the plan she had to have her baby in Texas didn't end with her also getting to bring the baby back home. Ahdehroh believed that no longer having to keep the secret from her mother was the clear difference between having to leave her baby at a fire station and being able to raise her own child come what may, age aside. But understanding the shame of embarrassing her family and the thought of still being involved in the baby's life left her little will to argue even though she really wanted to.

AHDEHROH (On The Holmes Huskies)

At Holmes High School Ahdehroh finally had a chance to exhale after what she described as a very confusing and stressful time.

"I never seen anything like it."

The school sat on a large campus, an integrated high school where girls who were pregnant got to finish out their school year alongside "regular" students. There were over sixteen girls who were pregnant with her at Holmes and she praises a supportive and caring and an organized and thoughtful schedule for an experience she says was the best thing for her at that time. When she speaks of the Holmes Huskies you get the sense she's so thankful (grateful) and has a great deal of pride in having been there. The school framed a very important time for her and became her safe haven.

"I'm actually happy that I went there. It was a place where there was no judgement. And I finally, after so many months I was able to actually feel some sort of relief. I always felt like I was in some sort of hiding mode. I was so ashamed, and confused and I was feeling so stressed out. That high school was set up - and it wasn't specifically for pregnant women it was for everyone. But the timing... they also had a class for you if you were pregnant and a school bus that took you to your doctors appointment. At that time there were so many girls that were pregnant."

Enrolled at Holmes Ahdehroh was able to go to her first doctors visit, learn more about what was happening with her body and felt free and open enough to ask questions. She had everything she needed to complete her grade level but also supported her physical, mental and emotional well-being. Expecting students and mothers were bused together to their doctors appointments, had classes set aside specifically to educate them on parenting and had time with guidance counselors and therapists to talk about their pregnancy and life goals and guid expecting students through their chosen adoption processes.

Back at home Ahdehroh was also keeping in contact with the baby's (who she found out while there was a girl) father, Germaine and his reassuring her that he would be supportive of whatever she chose to do she remembers helped a lot with her anxiety.

AHDEHROH (THE FINAL PLAN)

She selected a white family from New Mexico to adopt her daughter. The couple had 2 children of their own and lived on a horse farm which she says meant her baby girl would have a really amazing life. "Because then I thought, ok if they got a horse farm, they got a little money. And they lived in New Mexico" she laughs.

The wife, who she described as "a really really nice red head" came and held Olivia after she was born and the family was alerted that the young Ahdehroh who'd hand picked them was finally in labor. It was time. Ahdehroh says she still has the picture of her holding Olivia the day after she was born. The day after she'd sign the papers.

But it was that same day that her mother's words changed everything. Ahdehroh's mother came to her and said "Whatever you want to do, we'll do that." and just like that she was given the rights without shame to her first adult decision. The change of heart Ahdehroh isn't 100% clear on, but she thinks the family by then, knowing and not supporting the idea of adoption could have had something to do with it. And, of course her daughter was now here and so were the people who would be taking her with them - it was all becoming real, for everyone.

Ahdehroh decided to keep her baby girl and two days later, the day after she would have left with her adoptive family for New Mexico, baby Olivia flew back to New York with her grandmother while her mommy stayed back in San Antonio to finish out the ninth grade.

The papers were never signed and though Ahdehroh says she felt bad she knew that the adoptive families know there is a chance up until the very last minute that the mother can change her mind.

AHDEHROH (...22 years later)

Five years after Olivia was born, Ahdehroh and Germaine had a son, Marcus, her other pride and joy. She says it was after Marcus was born that she realized how much the nice guy she'd gone through this experience with had changed and says believing that she was supposed with the person she had a child with kept her close to him after she had Olivia and after she knew he wasn't the person she should be with. The relationship came to an end and Ahdehroh pushed forward to raise two children she says she is sure to communicate with every chance she gets.

"I call family meetings all the time. I talk to them together and separately about the things that are important to them."

And when I asked her if she had the conversations she felt her mother didn't have with her with her own daughter, she responded "Absolutely"

As a part of her curriculum at Holmes Ahdehroh had to keep a journal to her unborn child (I love this!) and says she wrote in it every day during the first year of Olivia's life using it as her diary and journaling everything that was going on with them. Then every year on Olivia's birthday she'd write an update on their progress growing up together.

Four years ago, when Olivia turned 18 she handed it to her along with her baby book and the picture of her with her (almost) adoptive mother.

Olivia's response: "Aww Mommy. Thank you for keeping me."

Ahdehroh's advice to teens

"Finish school first before you have kids. Have them in your 20's..."

Ahdehroh stresses how hard it was to get through school while raising a child. And though she did it, on time AND with a nursing degree she says having kid's in your 20's is your best bet. While she doesn't regret having Olivia and Marcus as she says they've grown up together but are now independent enough for her to now get the chance she knows its hard work and if yo can get school out the way first, you should. She says she's glad that she's had her children young and can now in her 30's live her life but she still believe having kids later in life is best.

And her advice to teens who are already raising children...

"Prove everyone wrong."

What everyone thought she would be she say's she is not. The odds were stacked against her but when she got the chance to keep Olivia she knew she didn't want to fail but instead wanted to meet all her goals even though she had a baby young.

She'd bring Olivia to a daycare her aunt owned so she could continue to go to school and work and for a very long time she remembers giving her mother her entire paycheck wanting to carry as much weight as she could. She knew having a child meant she would have to do things a little earlier than she planned and taking care of herself and her child was one of them. Ahdehroh stepped up to her responsibility and encourages all teen parents to take the initiative and do the same even if it means working harder than everyone else.

She graduated from high school on time and with her nursing degree and continued on to earn her Bachelors. Her only regret she says was not experiencing going away for college although she could have as Stonybrook at the time had a program for mother's where she could enroll and live on campus with Olivia. She decided to stay home and that her only regret, missing that experience.

Her childhood dream of acting has pushed her to start taking acting classes and she's also running her own business designing and producing custom throw pillows, called Mahogany Lace. Be sure to check it out!

AHDEHROH (ON AHDEHROH):

What does she say she's learned about herself through her experience?

"To trust myself."

Ahdehroh says she's learned that everything she wants she can have, every feeling she has about what she is capable of, she's learned she's right and that she can trust herself. Anything she believes she can do - is possible. It's what she's earned from her experience, learning at a very young age, that she can trust she has everything she needs to push through.

Please like, comment and share and thank Ahdehroh for sharing her story below. And if she didn't read Part 1 of Ahdehroh's journey, read it here.

Ahdehroh, thank you so much for sharing your story. I am so proud of the woman you've become and how you've used your journey to not only find and solidify your strength but found purpose in it to share and educate your children, not being afraid to give them the tools to be themselves and learn from your experience.

Thank you for being a root and a vine. #xtralove